My religion

I have always called myself a secular humanist. Which I still adhere to as the most accurate description of my spiritual beliefs. However, I realized I also have a deep philosophical commitment to psycho-analysis. As much as i accept and strive to constantly integrate the impact of culture, social constructionism and insights from feminism/Foucouldian power analysis, etc...At the end of the day, when i truly want to get to the heart of the basis for an individuals behavior, I turn back to their internal, sub or at least less than fully conscious self. I ask what are the repetitions/ roles this person/ myself is re-enacting and why? How much is a projection? Are these conflicts really present conflicts or deeper or more internal conflicts from a buried, implicit past? I ask why do I have more in common with a Jamaican, South Asian, and protestant woman with similar family dynamics than I do with those who share my ethnic background if everyhting is culturally constructed? But then of course, what is culture but shared meaning or in psycho-dynamic terms inter-subjectivity? The other day I realized that whenmy students come to class determined to appear as unmotivated as possible, I immediately feel I am doing a bad job and so it goes...(and yes, people these are college students, in a masters program no less, but many work full time, so t hey're tired, boo fucking hoo) see hoe quickly my guilt turns to resentment? And so it goes... Are there cultures that don't have "deviants?" No. Why isn't "deviance more often studied in anthro/socio ology? Maybe, like the protagonist in brave New World it is the deviants who will lead us to universals, the one who knows how to step outside of, or self-define in opposition to, culture as it were. But then one is still involved in the dialectic, per Foucault, cum Marx. Even so, if schizophrenics are Shamans somewhere else, (as Guattari and Deleuze argue), what does it tell us about "those people"? Is this turning into Jungian archetypes, some universal conscious/unconscious. Are there tropes that all societie's share, themes, roles to be taken. If a society has no deviants how can it's members concretely define that societie's boundaries? who gets sacrificied to the need for deviants? I will never invesitgate these questions. They are neither in my field, nor my particular research program...However I will try to watch the outliers in my data, to include them, and hold them up as special rather than standardizing, rather than using Z scores to flatten out the subjects and create a perfectly arched normal curve...like a breast implant, or a skin lightener, or the tactics used in 1984, or the grey clothes of Stalin's comrades. I will investigate the nature of those outliers, their qualities. I will not be content to score and rank them, to assign to them the slightest of probabilities that they will be repeated in the population. I will remove them from the statistical glare of the flourescent bulb atop the examiner's table, straight lipped, terrifyingly neutral, like the doctors who conducted experiments for the SS...I will remember the heart and soul of psychoanalysis when I investigate my subjects, I will be true to my professed religion and remember that we are all creations of eachother, even in the mind's eye of science.